I play better music with love instead of fear!
“Don’t ever touch me again,” he hissed at me with violence in his eyes. I had just arrived to set up at a venue where I was performing for the first time. I was met by a surly owner who was was way past “he must have got up on the wrong side of the bed,” to aggressively hostile and abusive.
I am a touch person and I laid a friendly hand on his shoulder to calm as I tried to assure him everything was going to be fine. My mistake. He got even nastier. I had tickets sold and people coming from other cities so I could not just walk out. I had to deal with it. I can’t stand conflict and I got very stressed and anguished.I tried to calm myself, but I really struggled to play anything musical as we began the first song.
My daughter had arrived just before the show and had come up to the stage to give me a hug. Somehow, before I started the second song, I focused on how much I loved her and what that felt like in my body. I relaxed into the song and for the rest of the night I put my attention into just playing as much love into each song as I could. The result was perhaps the best night of performing I have ever had. In retrospect I observe that my music that night was simple, pretty, interesting and very satisfying to me.
As I reflect now, I realize that I have frequently played from fear instead of love. Fear of failure, fear of not getting approval, of not doing it good enough and more. I also noticed that it was easier for me to be overcome by fear, as in my reaction to the owner, than let in love, as in the delayed effect of my daughter’s hug.
Life gives us lots of opportunities to learn. What I intend to do with this lesson is to focus on love in my music! Thanks for listening.